Wednesday, May 23, 2012 • 11:25 AM •
My Big Fat Fake Wedding
The other day I was vegging on my couch and watching an episode of Say Yes to the Dress. It was one of those blowout sale episodes where hundreds of bridezillas line up outside of NYC’s Kleinfeld Bridal boutique for hours to buy a 30G dress for half price (yesss! 15G! MUCH more affordable now!). The show had its usual lineup of entertainers; the ones that cry hysterically the minute they walk into the boutique, the ones that think a Kleinfeld sale justifies buying more than one wedding dress (… I know today’s divorce rate is high, but seriously?!), and last but not least, the ones that buy a dress…and aren’t engaged…or even in a relationship.
Crazy right?! Yeah, that’s what I thought as I mocked them then proceeded to get on my laptop, go on pinterest, and pin pretty pictures of wedding dresses, wedding favours and wedding cakes. Ahem.
Ok, so many of us who hope to one day get married are guilty of imagining and planning what the event will be like long before knowing when it might actually occur. From the guest list, to the venue, to the dress design, some girls (and guys!) are SUR-RE-YUS when it comes to the ‘big day’. So, in the spirit of this embarrassing realization, I bring to you My Big Fat Fake Wedding… destined to potentially never occur after this post.
Guest list: between 175 to 225 guests.
I didn’t realize lace was my thing… until I realized lace was my thing. I need lace on my dress, and lots of it.
My mother recently told me a horror story about a friend of a friend who got married in sneakers. Not cute, dainty or bedazzled sneakers… sneakers within the New Balance realm. Perhaps she had a back or leg injury? Not even. Apparently it was solely for the comfort factor.
Doesn’t she know Ryan Gosling totally disapproves of New Balances?!! For shame.
Because I take Gosling’s expert advice very seriously, you can expect to find me rocking some Choos or Louboutins on my wedding day.
A girl can dream.
Although i’m a big fan of uniformity, I know that not all designs are suitable for all body types. This is why I will be the most awesome bride ever by allowing my bridesmaids to wear the design of their choice… from the options I present to them first.
There’s nothing worst than having to sit through dozens of speeches at a wedding while your stomach is grumbling. Rather than your usual (and oftentimes boring) flower arrangement, i’m thinking something to nibble on would be a much more appreciated centerpiece.
…But these non edible centerpieces are still really cute.
I like the idea of giving away something that people can actually use or consume. I went to a wedding once where they handed out wash cloths. Not very glamourous, but it has served me very well. Since I love food, i’m thinking I want to give away some delicious treats.
That brings me to the end of my wedding friends. I still need a venue, a date… and a man. But meh, just minor details.